G.I. Joe: Retaliation, the sequel to 2009’s cash cow G.I. Joe: The Rise of Cobra, is one of those “so bad that it’s good” movies. However, I’ll take it even a step forward. This movie was so awful that it was awesome. It won’t get reflected in my rating, and this is the type of movie that I usually would rip to shreds (aka White House Down, The Day After Tomorrow, and numerous others), but this was a movie that I thoroughly enjoyed while, at the same, chastising it throughout my entire viewing. Perhaps I was kinder to this film because of how much G.I. Joe was part of my childhood. At the same time, that should also be the reason I should be ripping it the most. If I’m willing to give another franchise a chance to ruin some of my childhood memories, then I would hope that the movie is a success at the box office and with critics so that the franchise will continue. Before getting into the specifics of what I liked and didn’t like about this movie, I will say first that they probably had hundreds, if not thousands, of potential scripts that they could have pulled for both this movie and The Rise of Cobra. I don’t remember The Rise of Cobra enough to comment on it right now, but the script for Retaliation was utterly insane.
Set nearly after the end of the first film, Retaliation shows that both Cobra Commander and Destroy are still under lock and key at a maximum security prison. All seems prosperous in the world, but vigilantes Zartan (Arnold Vosloo – Blood Diamond, The Mummy) and Storm Shadow (Byung-hun Lee – G.I. Joe: Rise of Cobra, Red 2) are still at large and looking for Cobra forces to take over the world. In Pakistan, there has been an assassination of the country’s president, and Snake Eyes (Ray Park – G.I. Joe: Rise of Cobra, X-Men) has been framed for the murder. Fearful that the Pakistani government will retaliate against the United States, the G.I. Joe forces are sent to Pakistan to disable all their nuclear weapons. After a successful mission, the forces are gunned down, and all but four of the remaining G.I. Joes are killed. Lost in the assault is leader Duke (Channing Tatum – Stop-Loss, 21 Jump Street). The only survivors are Flint (D.J. Cotrona – Dear John, Venom), Roadblock (Dwayne Johnson – Walking Tall, Gridiron Gang), and Lady Jaye (Adrianne Palicki – Red Dawn, Legion). Here’s where problem number one arises in the movie. There are hundreds of characters from my childhood that could have been used in this movie as well as in the first movies. Still, director Jon M. Chu (Step Up: Revolution, Justin Beiber’s Believe – two problems right there…I’m a little uncertain I want the same director directing movies like G.I. Joe) decides to kill them all off (including the number one protagonist) and leave us with, literally, four G.I. Joes to watch in this movie and going forward in following sequels? I don’t get why he would choose a script that doesn’t do anything more than really anger the fan base in the first 15 minutes.
In any case, the story revolves around Cobra forces wanting to take over the world. As all show fans know, Zartan can disguise his appearance and look identical to any other person in the world. The President of the United States is kidnapped, and Zartan masks his appearance and takes over the free world. His plan is world domination after his counterpart Cobra Commander is freed by Storm Shadow. The remaining Joes are able to figure out what is happening and try to put a stop to it. The storyline is certainly simple enough. But, of course, we get to one of the unbelievable aspects of the movie, that being that four men can expose and bring down Cobra Commander’s plan with all of his massive resources.
The acting is atrocious. It’s almost as if Chu decided to hire a bunch of below-average actors and ask them to give lousy, cartoon-like performances. Speaking of cartoons, if you want to see a real G.I. Joe movie, see G.I. Joe: The Movie (though it is animated, the acting is surprisingly better). The cheesy dialog between the characters outdoes the terrible acting. However, the action sequences are terrific. My favorite scene was the one that involved Snake Eyes and G.I. Joe ally Jinx (The Girl with the Dragon Tattoo) kidnapping Storm Shadow and fighting the crimson guard as they descend an ice-covered mountain.
As I said earlier, this is usually a movie that I would pan, and I’m surprised that I didn’t consider the gall of Chu to kill off some of my favorite characters before I ever got to know them. But this film was entertaining, and I did enjoy the Snake Eyes and Storm Shadow scenes. Do I want this franchise to continue? I don’t know. Perhaps. I’m not sure I would see another in the theater, but I believe I would watch each subsequent movie at home. Unfortunately, because of The Transformers franchise debacle, this series gets a little slack. There are many problems with this movie, but if you’re a fan of the series, I’d say check it out, go in with an open mind, and try to enjoy it (cheese and all).
Plot 7/10
Character Development 4/10
Character Chemistry 4/10
Acting 3/10
Screenplay 4/10
Directing 4/10
Cinematography 9/10
Sound 8/10
Hook and Reel 8/10
Universal Relevance 2/10
53%
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